Recent data indicates that the earlier one begins dating, the earlier one marries. The earlier one marries, the greater the chances are for divorce. Old fashioned courtships have been thrown out over the last 40 years and young people have resorted to dating. Some parents are allowing their children to date as young as 13. Allowing our kids to date earlier, the divorce rate in America is now increasing to an alarming 250 percent. Increased divorce rates have been paralleled by a 253 increase in teenage suicide. Over the last 30 years, there has been a 400 percent increase in illegitimate births. Single households, headed by women, have also increased by 250 percent. The National Center for Health Services showed that children from broken homes were 200 percent more likely to have behavioral and emotional problems. Parents today spend an average of 40 percent less time with their children than parents did a generation ago. Kids are growing up with the TV set as a babysitter. Most children are exposed to sex and violence through this avenue. Pornography is readily available, via internet,and boys from 12-17 are among the largest consumers. In America, 4,219 teenagers contract a sexually transmitted disease each day. That represents a 335 percent increase since 1966.

 

Dr. Phil has a spot on an advertisement for Match.com, a popular dating service. His advice is, “It’s Ok to look”. Many take the advice and spend hours on the internet seeking a mate. One is able to view a person’s profile with a picture of the person. This type of dating relies heavily on physical attraction. How important is physical attraction in developing a Christian relationship? The story of Samson, recorded in the old testament, is a key to one of the most important lessons of the Bible in relation to physical attraction.

 

     "Samson went down to Timnah and Timnah saw one of the daughters of the Philistines. As he came up and told his father and mother,” I saw one of those daughters of the Philistines at Timnah; now get her for me as my wife. But his father and mother said to him, “Is there not a woman among the daughters of your kinsmen or among all our people, that you must go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?” And Samson said to his father, “Get her for me, for she pleaseth me well.” (Judges 14:1-3).

 

Outward attraction was the principle reason of Samson’s desire to marry her. The physical aspect played such a strong part in his feelings that he was willing to disregard the counsel of his parents and the word of God. The world places a lot of emphasis on physical attraction in relationships. Even before the wedding had ended his “love” relationship was starting to fall apart. So many relationships today end with a similar demise. The “honeymoon” phase ends, and you are left living with a person who you have nothing in common with and doesn’t have your morals and convictions. Love for another person is to be based on more than just the physical;we should take a good look at the character. In marriage, we will be trusting our lives, our future, the happiness of our children, and even our eternal destiny to our life partner. God does not want us to love blindly, based primarily on passion. Marriage is something that will last from the here into the hereafter.

 

What is courtship vs. dating? Let’s talk about dating first. It is Saturday night and the feeling is right. Ken and Barb are planning on going on a date to the local drive in. They both dress in fine clothes, bathe, brush their teeth, splash on cologne/perfume. She has to have her hair just so and make-up must be perfect. He borrows Dad’s new red convertible. They are 16 years old, both on their best behavior, with lots of smiles. They arrive at the drive in and about half an hour later begin to kiss, caress and touch. Even though they don’t “go all the way” the two have become physically involved. After Ken drops Barb off, she goes straight to her bedroom and begins to fantasize about the relationship. She is “in-love”. Meanwhile, Ken is driving home and is thinking to himself,” Boy this dating thing is good stuff. I really had a lot of fun tonight and really liked getting to know Barb. I must do more of this, since I am not tied down to any particular person”. To her the physical involvement was more than Ken realized. It meant, “I do”. On the other hand, Ken is oblivious to the heart strings he has just pulled. In his mind he feels no commitment to Barb at all. This dating scenario reveals attitudes that are typical of thousands of young people who enter into relationships. They have mixed emotions, differing motives and objectives, varying degrees of commitment. Many have little knowledge or concern about the pain they give and receive. Every time two people become physical, even if they don’t “go all the way” emotional bonding occurs. You cannot detach the physical from the mental and spiritual. You bond with that person. This in turn leads to broken and destroyed lives as a result of playing with hearts. The common practice of flirting will become habit and later break down the core of marriage relationships. For many dating becomes a habit hard to break. Saying marriage vows doesn’t mean this bad habit has been overcome. Comparison with past lovers slips in the door and leads to dissatisfaction and discontent in the marriage commitment.. Also, dating can distract us from loving God by filling our minds with thoughts of the opposite sex all the time.

 

Now let’s contrast this to Christian courtship. This can be defined as the sincere effort of two people to find out what God’s plan is for their lives. You make an honest effort to be in someone’s company deciding if God is calling you to join lives to glorify Him. Christian courtship is a sincere thing, not frivolous or to be taken lightly. It’s purpose is to seek God’s will and not selfishly seek our own will. Courtship is a process of learning all you can about the person you are interested in, knowing fully their hearts and characters. There is only one reason to court and that is for marriage. It is not a flirtation or taking liberties strictly forbidden in God’s laws. You are trying to find out if this is God’s will for you, not how well the person can kiss. If the relationship doesn’t work out, the end results are friendship with another, not a broken heart. So much pain and sorrow, through words and actions,can be inflicted on unsuspecting hearts. This can be totally avoided if you are seeking to know if this person is the one God would have you to marry. Questions like, “Will this union help me go to heaven? Will it bring me close to God or not? Will it enlarge the sphere of usefulness in this life?” should be asked. If these questions present no drawbacks then move forward towards marriage.

 

There are steps we must take in preparation for a Christian mate. The first step is to surrender our lives fully to God. We are to give ourselves to Jesus before we give ourselves to marriage. “Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalms 37:4). Give yourself wholly to Christ and don’t get mixed up with any relationship that will conflict with this. The next step is prayer. James 1:5 states, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraided not; and it shall be given unto him”. We have specific things that we are looking for in a mate and God knows them all and even some we may not see, yet our prayers help us to look for God’s plan. Prayer should be carried out in the courtship process. Set aside time for prayer and fasting,. Another step is to sincerely ask the Father, “Am I ready for marriage?” Ecclesiastes 3:1 states, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven”. We may want to marry out of loneliness or other factors, but purpose and timing are essential. We should consider our ages, level of maturity, and development of education and character. The average age of maturity for a male is between 21-24 and for a female 20-23. A person not yet out his teens should not even consider getting married. Before entering into a marriage, couples should first go into marital counseling. Counsel can make the difference between falling into marriage or stepping into it on an intellectual level. Those with age and experience can give us some good advice and our willingness to listen can be a key to successful marriage. Our parents, pastors, teachers, or other who know us, may see things in us or our partners that we may not see. If you are blessed with Christian parents seek their advice. So many grave mistakes are made when youth reject to learn from the experience of those who have lived longer. The next step towards a marriage alliance which marks the beginning of commitment involves becoming engaged. Courtship has been a time to get a real assessment of the person you are going to marry. By not engaging in a sexual relationship during courtship you are able to know a person on a more intellectual level. This has laid the proper foundation to make this next step of engagement based upon true love. It is only after spending time in the courtship stage that one can gain a deeper and thorough knowledge of your future mate. Take time to study 1 Corinthians 13 as it outlines practical principles of love.

 

Most people in today’s society would see the principles I have outlined as old-fashioned. But you should ask yourself the question,” Should today’s norms be a role model for me?” I hope your answer is yes. If it is no, then please refer back to the first part of this article and look over the statistics I have given you. The impact that television, movies, the media, the internet and pornography has had on this society cannot be discounted. What life do you want to live? One of shattered dreams, brokenness and heartache? Or the life God intended you to have? Our homes here on earth should be a model of the heavenly ones. In marriage we should find one of the greatest blessings that God ever created for mankind. The marriage union in nearly every way parallels the plan of salvation. Christ call his church his bride. Christian courtship is the foundation for a happy marriage. It is vitally important that we dispel the erroneous ideas of Satan. Satan is ever at work to break up homes and destroy the institute of marriage. Getting away from wholesome courtship practices has only weakened our society not strengthened it . Satan is laughing all the way to hell.

LOVE