Take My Life
by Lisa Freeman
Have you ever thought of jumping off a bridge? Or slitting your wrists? Or taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills?
Suicide, it’s all around us. Even young kids are ending their lives. But why, we ask? What are these insane thoughts causing us to go over the edge?
The bigger question is why do we get them? Where do they come from? And how do we stop them?
I have to be honest, I didn’t really understand the whole suicide thing until a dear friend I met told me about her life shattering experience. This woman seemed to have everything going for her in life; a wonderful husband, two beautiful health kids (a girl and a boy), they were financially set so she could be a stay at home mom, yet inside her mind, for reasons she couldn’t describe, she kept having haunting thoughts of suicide. She didn’t even understand the thoughts or feelings she was having, but this beautiful, quiet, upright wife and mother of two wanted to end it all.
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She told me that she’d be doing the dishes after dropping her kids off at school, and just feeling the blade of a knife sent her mind whirling. Almost in a dream, she’d envision slitting her wrists. Other times, she’d be driving down the highway and think about swerving off the road or a bridge. But then she’d catch a glimpse of her two precious children in the backseat. No way would she ever hurt them. She started to wonder what was wrong with her. Why she, a church going woman, was having these insane thoughts? But too afraid to discuss them with anyone, she kept them buried deep inside.
Her secret stayed safe for a few years, until that one day that will forever be etched in her mind. After dropping her children off at school, she started on the dishes. As she washed a steak knife, something inside her snapped. The next thing she knew she was in the middle of the kitchen floor in a pool of blood. She picked herself up off the floor, grabbed a rag to stop the bleeding and called her sister. Thankfully her sister was a Christian, prayed for her immediately, and told her she needed to go to the hospital.
It’s been several years since then, and miraculously today my friend is healed from suicide thoughts. Why? Because she found a power greater than her thoughts—God! She told me that her sister gave her a Bible shortly after that day, and as she began reading and studying scripture, it was like a light came on inside her head and the suicidal thoughts started to go away. It wasn’t too long, and she learned to pray every time a bad thought came. Now she isn’t tempted or tormented by those thoughts any longer. In fact she speaks out about how God has healed her and how He’s taken control of her life.
As I was studying my Bible, I realized that Jesus also was tempted to commit suicide. It was while He was in the wilderness, after the forty day fast. Satan took him to the highest point of the city and told him to throw himself down, that God would send his angels to deliver him. But Jesus, even in that weak moment while he was totally exhausted, hungry and thirsty, defeated Satan and the suicidal temptation by reciting scripture, “Thou shalt not put the Lord thy God to a foolish test.”
Maybe you’ve been battling with thoughts of suicide? As you may already know, being tempted and having bad thoughts aren’t wrong—Jesus was even tempted. However, giving in to that temptation and following through with those thoughts are sin. Still, even if you’re the worst sinner in the world, like I was when Jesus found me, you can still be forgiven. Nothing is too big or too dirty for God. So, why not let God take your life today, be healed from those intrusive thoughts, and finally be set free?
