Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back.
How do you control your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.
Overcrowded church
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing
capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon
when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru
the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other
stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their
coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for
Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out
the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the
church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All
right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."